Why I need to reboot myself

This is a selfish blog because it’s about me this time.

I can categorize the people who know me in three different zones:

  1. My clients and my professional associates
  2. My family
  3. My friends

The first category of people know my deliverables and will weigh me through my integrity and professional performance. There is always scope for improvement as I believe human interaction requires deeper understanding of psychology and empathy.

The second category has practically no choice but to accept me as I am. For them I am indispensable part of their life, as I am a forced entity into their lives. There is scope for improvement here as well, as I need to live upto their expectations, which are sometimes unfair as well, but then like them, I too don’t have any other family.

The third set of people I used to feel are the ones where I could have been a child again, live my youth again and live part of my 20’s and 30’s which I couldn’t live like many. It’s not about struggles, as everybody has theirs. It’s about the friendless times I have had. Over the last couple of years I got a chance to live like that. Had a great time and became a child again. Somehow the journey got interrupted & now it’s time for VERSION 2.0 here too.

It seems I have work to do every department. Well that goes for everyone I guess, but my battles with myself are mine alone and I do not need to beat myself , but still I need to be a winner.

How do I do this?

There is a plan I have……..change myself. Easier said than done but I will have to try that definitely.

Points to consider:

  • Expectations – It’s an irony that I have to live up to the expectations of so many but it is fatal to have them for others. That’s what people tell me, “don’t have expectations and life will be easy”
    • With my clients I expect little appreciation, trust & sometimes more than client like behavior. Why I do this ?….well because I always consider my clients as my FIRST FAMILY. I devote majority of my day thinking about them and working for them, so I definitely thought expecting little back is not bad. To be frank none of my clients have ever disappointed me on the “trust” part and I enjoy their full trust all the times. Had it not been there, I wouldn’t have reached so far and even a 1 centimeter progression from here won’t be possible without it. Some clients have even gone beyond the client-advisor definition and become family/friends. Frankly appreciation is reflected in their continuity with me and also the fact they give references to me. My job is to be a student of the subject so that I can learn more through information and experiences and implement knowledge to action
    • With family I have to now change and start taking an authoritative role, as my son will soon be 5 and then his future has to be set right ( at least I will try to do so) On the other hand their expectations on my perpetual growth has to be tamed, as we live in ever-changing times and one stroke of action by the establishment
    • Friends were I thought blessings by God, well that may still be true but I know for sure I am not a blessing. I always used to find company of friends a place to unwind, to be mad, to be real and to be open. I never had to find an excuse for not having time, because I made time. In fact that is what has to be corrected. My over possessiveness and my larger than life expectations have lead to frictions many a time and people took my passion to do things in circle of friends to be attention gaining mechanism. Well there is a lot of work to be done here. I have to stop being so expectation oriented and learn to be smart enough to understand limits and also the fact that everyone is unique and too much space occupied by me and suffocate people to boredom and monotonous ideas

The below points are specifically for group 3 only

  • Ignorance: I definitely need to stop taking friendships so seriously and ignore a lot of things I may not like by others. It’s a fact that there could be larger number of things from me, which may also not be liked by them. It is strange that we ignore our faults while it is so much fund to identify faults in others. In that sense I am guilty of just being partial. I think it has been my greatest fault to think about ideas, about ways to think larger than life retirement schemes where friends could live together and to be a little emotional about things. Time to apologise and to correct myself for good
  • Taking the centre stage: I have mostly been an introvert, but being with friends changed me and I was in a different world altogether. It’s time to land my ship back to earth and realize the fact that life is a big stage and everybody is an actor in his own rights. Even a comedian who takes more time on stage, loses his humour quotient
  • Be open for lessons:  As a student in my profession, I submit that I still am a student of life and largely things have been easy. It’s but humble to accept the lessons that come from people who have seen life, much deeper than me and have traveled through the maze, facing hardships of life

So all those friends who are reading this, please allow Anil Version 2.0 to launch itself and know the fact that I AM COMING TO TERMS WITH LIFE.

 

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The stupid thinking mind

Lines which make a lot of sense to me.

anilbudhraja

I could have never imagined that being a thoughtful person could create criticism for me and it’s for those critics I choose to write today.

I know I am not perfect, I know I am a little perturbed by things. There are some whose thoughts are captive and there are some who find the wings. It may sound a disease when you see me thinking twenty-four seven, What I think is that one day the records have to be set, up there in heaven. I think about human relationships that require empathy, I know you can't relate so I can give you is a little bit of that sympathy. I think of all those who will cry when I die, I may not succeed in impacting lives, but it's worth a try. I think of life because it has both ups and downs, I think of the fights that separates…

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What is Happiness

I sat alone near the lake, waiting for a smile,

It didn’t come along, I waited for a while.

 

So where do I find my happiness, it was nowhere to be seen,

Then suddenly an angel appeared and made my thoughts clean.

 

We search for happiness outside, but truly it is within,

Just need to find it in the smaller things, don’t wait for the big win.

 

Happiness is not when you have hundreds of friends around,

Happiness is with few who can be there when you make the sound.

 

Happiness is not when you earn billion of dollars & fancy cars,

Happiness is when friends talk nonsense holding beer jars.

 

Happiness is not when you become a popular man in the town,

Happiness is when your kids laughs, seeing you become a clown.

 

Money can’t be ignored and has to be earned with lot of sweat

But happiness comes with the money where intent is not a threat.

 

Happiness is all about living the moment we have…its now,

It’s simple to be in the present, but people miss the point somehow.

 

It’s not about the high street pub or about that new cuisine,

Happiness is the road side tea with friends; out of the busy routine.

 

Happiness is not what you achieve for yourself and not what you own,

It’s what you give others and forget, that shows you have grown.

 

Happiness is not in the parties that we host to show how well we prepare,

It’s in the small gatherings of friends where we fight and we share.

 

Happiness does not mean there will not be any pain and road will be easy,

Happiness just means we will walk the road, despite life sometimes acting cheesy.

 

It’s the inner joy of knowing that life is not always perfect & that’s fine,

It’s happiness when we accept the fact & it’s always worth having  a glass of wine.

 

Letter to my Son – 525600 moments, 10 learnings

Dear Son,

As you are about to complete another milestone, I want to tell you something that you would be able to relate to, when you grow older.

If every second can be considered a ‘moment of life’, then I am thankful to you for the past 525600 moments that made my year worthwhile. If you grow up to be humble, then it is a possibility that you would have gratitude for your parents. At that moment, do also thank your mother, grandparents, my clients and some of my friends; whose blessings made it possible for you to be able to see this day. 

Your learnings will be gradual but last one year there have been lot of changes in your life. From a toddler to being now termed as a young boy, you started your school life. Frankly, when you grow up you could be questioning the timing of beginning your school life but India in 2017, is still yet to free itself from the clutches of orthodox thought process and going against the tide could have been a gamble, which I was not ready to take. 

With no bias towards you, I can safely say that you have the ability to grasp things quickly and I am sure you would grow up to use this capability to understand other people. You will gradually understand that a balance between power, prosperity and people has to be drawn in life, so that you can taste the true riches of it. Power here doesn’t mean in absolute terms, it denotes power to forgive, forget and free yourself. 

None of the above or below words is “gyan”, as I want to share some of the things, which I haven’t been able to master myself and some others, which have helped me all throughout. I hope you would be able to relate to them at an appropriate time in your journey:

  1. Gratitude – Whenever you meet success in life, just take a pause and reflect upon people & things, who were instrumental in getting you where you did. For example,  I would remember how difficult it was for me to leave the clutches of Job and start on my own and the very fact that my clients took time for me to understand my endeavor and support me to begin. The first cheque they gave me was not only money I needed to advice them on, but the trust I had to carry along. The first pen your mother gifted to me when I started the Entrepreneurial journey. These memories keep me humble in my profession and I owe it to everybody who help em negotiate through the jittery beginning.
  2. Friendship & social media – Social media today (i.e. 2017) is a growing phenomenon and has changed the landscape of how we interact and remain in touch. If used wisely, it can help you connect across the globe and if handled casually, it can create problems in relationships, which never even existed in the first place. My advice is to go beyond the social media to have lifelong connects. No matter how advance the technology is, nothing can replace a face to face interaction in human relationships.
  3. Forgive and Forget – Something I haven’t been able to do successfully, because I have a higher sensitivity towards things. I do not know if thas is ‘good’ quality or a ‘bad’ one, but my experience says the former is correct. Anyways even while one is sensitive, he should identify the relations he wants to keep and with those people, there should be nothing holding you back. A conversation can change a lot, so don’t hesitate, be the first to initiate it and correct the situation.
  4. Your goodness should become your strength, not your weakness – Being good too has a limit and you should know how to draw a line so that nobody uses your goodness and harms you, financially or mentally. 
  5. Ignore too much information – sadly we live in the era of supreme media and even before a you realize it, you are injected with a view/information, which to my mind is self destructive many a times. So try to ignore most of it, unless you are directly impacted. Having a beer with friends or alone, doing nothing is much better than getting corrupted with information, yet not reaching any decision.
  6. Do live for your own happiness and part of our happiness lies in trying to make others happy – Making others happy is not only by philanthropy, but by small acts as well. That Sabziwala, who has been always considered charging over, that gatekeeper of the colony who doesn’t know whats a soft drink inside a can or how does a belgian chocolate pastry taste, the chauffeur who drives your car and wishes to one day ride an aircraft, etc. When you think you have enough (in reasonable terms) so that you can save better, try to fist spend it better on the above.
  7. Respect women – I am sure when you turn a teenager, women in India would still be fighting the battle for equality and dignity. Just remember, there is nothing more unpardonable then disrespecting or misbehaving with a female. Do what it takes, to provide the women in your life and around, a better world to live in.
  8. Don’t form opinions and reach conclusions of no return – Sometimes what we see is also not the complete truth, therefore what we hear is all myth. Don’t follow others opinion about anyone, everybody is fighting a battle, so show them respect, allow space for a relationship to be corrected, whether personal or professional. Develop the art of listening.
  9. Don’t look for role models, become one – By writing all the above, don’t assume your father was perfect, he wasn’t. He just tried to be a role model for himself, so that he could be better than he was a day, a month and a year ago. Set your benchmarks and try to achieve them.
  10. Success is not always winning and not every price is worth paying for the win – The true meaning of success is in the honest intent with which one tries to win, rest is meaningless. An honest attempt resulting in a loss is better than a short cut used to reach the top. Take the longer route, you will found lesser crowd and history has many examples here it has become quite evident that majority is not necessarily always right”

While I myself need to work on certain aspects mentioned above, you may have a copy handy to refer and act early in life.

Happy Birthday Aarav!

My Life my thoughts my lessons – 4

Lesson No. 4 – Being sensitive is not a sign of weakness, it denotes strength

Sensitivity is perhaps the most underrated quality in the world. It’s too often associated with fragility and weakness when it’s actually a tremendous strength.

quote-box-vulnerability-is-power-no-291

Many of us live in complete denial of our sensitivity whereas life is all about conquering our fears….isn’t it.

In our culture sensitivity is considered weakness and especially when a highly sensitive person is under stress. Sensitive people often show their feelings and are easily overwhelmed by situations and intensity of their overreacting to situations makes others believe that they are unable to cope up well with situations. But is it the truth?

Imagine what a sensitive person thinks….high sensitivity can lead them to believe that they are not as tough as others and that they are weak and need support, which causes a hit on their self esteem and makes them believe in victimhood.

The truth is that high sensitivity gives them the ability to be strong and face tough situations in life.

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Highly sensitive people are more aware of their surroundings and therefore have a better understanding of when they are stressed and overwhelmed.

Sensitive people are more empathetic as they can easily picture them in other people’s situations and can relate to them. This can help them in making lifetime stronger bonds with people.

Sensitive people are also more trustworthy as they cannot hide their feelings to show themselves as someone else, they are what they are, take it or leave it.

The sensitive people are also more passionate, as they feel for their values and issues they believe in, creating a powerful energy around them. Its this passion that feeds these sensitive people to keep moving forward and take everything in their stride to face the tough world and circumstances.

Next time you find one, just make him/her stick around for at least….forever.

My Life my thoughts my lessons – 3

Lesson No. 3 – Your life is your battle and yours alone

When the times get tough in life, some people strongly sail through, some loose it and there are others who wait for an outside force to help. The outside force is God or some friend/relative, but neither come forward when you really need them.

My first question is why do we really need outside support?

The answer is humanity. As humans we expect people to come forward and support us as we live in communities. Moreover as children, we were taught that helping others is a good thing, therefore expectations are built around our thought process and in this rigid world that’s a educational disaster because it makes us weak.

One should not expect help from others despite the fact this help may just be the morale booster we are looking at. In my bad times, all I wanted was my friends and dearest relatives to come and encourage me to keep going but they would have been really afraid and thought I may have asked for some monetary help. The lesson I got was, to fight it alone and I did. There were times when I really thought I would give up, but then some power within me, lifted me back to keep the battle on.

My battle was not with anyone but with myself. It was adversity vs. persistence and it was really tough. Even today when I have a family and there are people whom I can share and expect things from, I seldom do that. The reason is that my battles are still my own and nobody can understand the thoughts I have, the strategies I believe in and the path I want to choose.

Be it the future of my career or for that matter the school I choose for my son; everyone has a view on it. While I am sold on the fact that there are genuine well wishers, the truth is that I have realized that we have pros and cons of every decision you take. The consequences of all those decisions are to be borne by me and me alone. Everybody can hear my story and comment on it, but no one can live my story for me.

So do you stop discussing all with everyone?

Yes, because many people will pick your weak points to say that you are selling an emotional pitch and many others won’t understand your battles.

So why have friends?

Well the first debate is who is a friend? After you have arrived at an answer to this, then you yourself would understand the consequences of sharing or not sharing. For me friends are the people who would come close together bonded with a common cause that holds them and then they find more causes to spend life together. My idea of friendship is a “Friends Avenue” (a topic for a future blog)

So is family the one whom you can share with?

It can also be questioned here as well that who is family? Are your relatives your family? When your status is realized by your intellect and not the car you just drove in, when you give importance to a relative and are reciprocated well, when they don’t see you in light of your parents or others due to whom the relationship exists, its then the true relationships can be established. For me if the relative can be a friend, then the association prospers.

Even after you find someone like that, just keep in mind that what you need to fight, alone won’t become easy because you think the soldiers have increased. The battle we all are in is one vs. life and everyone has their separate arena. There is no enemy but lot of difference in opposition, adversity, thoughts, dreams, aspirations, beliefs and imagination.

So you may say that I am looking for perfection without being perfect myself. Well that can be said, but what I am looking for is a world, a society and a circle where there is more to relationships than names of friends and family.

While you may be fighting your own little battles alone, there is a lot to learn from bigger battles of others. It’s a matter of respecting each other’s battles and to know that everywhere, every soul is in a battle which we know nothing about and still respect each other as warriors because no battle is easily fought. Victory here will have no noise and defeat will have no sympathy.

My life my thoughts my lessons – 2

Lesson 2 – the relationships that matter and the ones that don’t

Well as someone rightly said; “success of your life depends on how well you get along with people”.

relationships

We are all born with some default relationships who make our family, extended family and all the relatives whom we see around in our family functions. These are the ones which have been enforced upon us through default mode. Then there are the others which become part of our life journey through our place of study or work. Here too we sometimes have no say, for e.g. our bosses, our colleagues, our classmates. This is also to some extent, a created environment.

Over the period of our lives, we tend to have better vibes with few from the above given environment. For e.g. there will be few cousins who you would get very well along with, few classmates whom you start considering your friends and similarly your colleagues at your workplace. In some cases you even become closer to your subordinate or boss as you strike some common objective at work.

My journey hasn’t been different from many but I being an introvert (as mentioned in my previous blog of same series), it was never easy to get along with lot of school mates but still I had friends at school. In my cousins, I was very close to couple of them and did consider them my best friends as well. School always seem to be the place where you make your first friends, however my life started only when I was in eighth standard or around 12 years of age.

Being brought up in a Punjabi family,  we were very close to relatives and I do remember my father was the man of the hour, when it came to family functions, cooking arrangement, preparations, etc. This was both for finance and other necessities. My father never stepped back on any and we grew in a close-knit in family. Within our business partnership also, I had made friends in the children of my father’s partners. It was a dream life with all going well until God decided to teach me a lesson.

“When there is light, only then you know where to light the candle.”

It took one incident in life to make it clear who were the real relatives, friends and family. People started changing colors as soon as things turned challenging in life and suddenly I found myself all alone. The relatives for whom we used to do so much suddenly vanished from the scene. Some even used the opportunity to worsen the situation. The so-called family friends were not even available to talk anymore and near family too betrayed.

In 2001 it was pretty clear that relatives were out of my ‘must have’ list. It was also clear the friends I want will be the ones i choose from thereon. Then started the struggle period and there emerged my true friends. I never wanted money, I wanted emotional courage, I wanted to be heard and to be guided. This I got from couple of school friends and who till date remain my best friends. Sometimes we don’t talk for year, but when we meet, it feels just like we met yesterday.

Today I have friends from different leagues, some were by bosses, some were colleagues, some are my clients and some I just crossed paths. I made my mentors by choices and not by force. In any of my chosen relationships, I will be the first to take the step forward, in case there is a vacuum or silence. If I want somebody as a part of my life’s journey, I will n ever wait to say the first hello; because I believe if the relationship in important then it doesn’t matter who takes the first step forward. I have seen so many relations just getting lost because no one took the initiative to connect. In fact this also helps in finding out whether the other person values it too or not.

My journey to add to my list of friends has just started and am sure I will add wonderful people to this list.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” – Wayne Dyer